Torn
by Sky Astor
Summary: The Raven takes Clara's life and the Doctor carries her body inside. He spends some time with her whilst he is trying to quench the rage and sorrow that are eating through him.


A /N: I used some of the original FtR quotes and also some quotes from the videogame Metal Gear Solid 4 – from the characters of Raging Raven and Crying Wolf.

* * *

 **Torn**

When the Doctor entered Trap Street with Clara and Rigsy, he had no idea that it could end like this. Although he was determined to help and save Rigsy, the thought that they might leave that place without him did fly through his mind. However, it never occurred to him that he would lose _her_... and get teleported away into his own hell.

Her time was up and the only thing he could do was watch. It was torture.

She was standing there, in front of a firing squad, so brave, waiting for the bullet. The tattoo on her neck counted down to zero and the Raven spread its wings and flew straight into her. The pain was so intense that she had to scream – it was deafening and The Doctor felt it all with her.

Clara's life was over and he was about to fall apart.

His numb feet carried him slowly to her and he lifted her up to carry her body inside. A soul lighter. He knew he would have to say goodbye to her one day, but he never thought that it would be so soon and so unexpected. He wasn't ready to let her go just yet.

The Doctor was dizzy from boiling all these feelings inside him… Traumatized. Walking past Ashildr, he did not look at her and she didn't say a thing - she didn't dare. No need to pour petrol into the fire.

The broken Time Lord entered a bedroom and put her body on the bed as his sad blue eyes started to water. He lay down as well, partly on her and buried his head in her neck as the mixture of sadness, anxiety and anger was tearing him apart.

There it was again... that anger he felt a few minutes ago. It was raging inside his body and he wanted to set it free, let it boil to the surface, let his fury flow freely. He wanted to show Ashildr his rage again. All sorts of pictures were flashing through in his head... Tear this place apart with his bare hands... and Ashildr. End her, and everything she loved. In that moment, he could do it. He knew he could. Rain hell on her until the end of time just as he had told her. The anger was building up inside, eating away at the Doctor…

" _You can't let this turn you into a monster. So, I'm not asking you for a promise, I'm giving you an order. You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no one else, here or anywhere, will suffer."_

" _What about me?"_

" _If there was something I could do about that, I would. I guess we're both just going to have to be brave."_

These words echoing in his head was the only thing that was stopping him... soothing him.

His brave Clara was still saving people even when she was no longer alive. No, he couldn't insult her, disappoint her. He had to be brave. Now. For her.

With one little movement, he gently brushed his nose against her neck.

Colder...

No breathing, no heart beating, only his soft sobs were breaking the silence. Still angry inside, he was drowning in the deepest sorrow now... Sorrow and hopelessness. As if someone had torn one of his hearts out. Or both. Such a shock... An unfortunate accident. That was the worst thing about it. And everything was so rushed… He couldn't cry and grieve… Take his time. It was not fair. The Time Lord wished he could stay with her some more, but he had to go... That bloody thing on his hand would take him soon God knows where and he would have to keep on going. Without her.

Wiping his tears, The Doctor sighed into the pillow and sat up. He put a hand on her cheek and felt her temperature sink. The coldness flowed through his hand and arm straight into his chest. Tears were running down his cheeks and he just wanted to sit there, cry until his eyes ran red. He was sad. Very, very, incredibly sad. So sad he could die.

He was a wreck and yet he felt immense strength. Whatever was coming, he was ready to face it.

The Doctor bent down to her one last time and gently pressed his lips on the corner of her mouth before he whispered his goodbyes into her ear.

Shutting the door behind him, he then returned to the room where were Ashildr and Risgy - still standing on the same spots as before as if their feet were nailed to the floor.

"I'm sorry, Doctor. I truly am," she said, but the Doctor didn't look at her.

How dared she speak?

Ashildr stepped to the stasis chamber control panel and pressed some buttons, feeling on her shivering back how the Doctor was looking daggers at her. When the machine beeped, she stepped away.

"What Clara said about not taking revenge. Do you know why she said that?" the Doctor asked in a gravelly voice, not looking at her.

"She was saving you."

"I was lost a long time ago. She was saving _you_. I'll do my best, but I strongly advise you to keep out of my way. You'll find that it's a very small universe when I'm angry with you."

Ashildr's eyes fell to the ground and she nodded.

The teleport bracelet beeped and the Doctor was gently beamed away in purple and white light while she turned his back on him. The bracelet fell to the ground with a clang.

* * *

A/N: Thx for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
